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E Pluralses Unum

by The Pluralses

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1.
My life has got too comfortable I'm bored of my existence My bills are paid in full And my bowels are consistent Every day's the fucking same I'm starting to go nuts What I need is some adventure To get me out of this rut Tonight I'm jerkin' off with my Left hand left hand Gonna do it dry while I'm Watchin' Rosanne Tonight I'm jerkin' off with my Left hand left hand Gonna power through it like a Real man Real man
2.
I know that you're tired and I'm pretty tired too It's been a long day, we should kick off our shoes Sit back and relax and maybe have a glass of wine Watch some TV, I guess whatever would be fine And I don't necessarily Mean anything by this... But my dick is dry And you got a mouth We can do whatever But I'm throwing this out... I'm not asking for a blowjob I'm just saying a blowjob would be really nice right now
3.
Not all kids were as cool as you (I'm sorry, I'm sorry) I couldda had a mohawk too (I'm sorry, I'm sorry) But my mom and dad were a frugal bunch "Fantastic Sam's or a nice hot lunch?" So to the kitchen I'd be dragged Head a-pokin' from a garbage bag Mixing bowl on my head like a fuckin D-d-d-d-dunce I'm sorry I'm sorry I had a bow lcut I'm sorry I'm sorry I had a bowl cut I would have rather had a Batman symbol shaved on the side But I didn't so I'm sorry that I had a bowl cut
4.
Steve Jobs came back to life Quite inexplicably He broke into my house Started to rape my dog I yelled "Goddamn it, Steve Don't rape my fucking dog" I hit him with a rock and he Shambled off into the night And I don't know why I don't know why The reanimated corpse of Steve Jobs raped my dog
5.
Lavin you know everyone is counting on you To bring the motherfucking rock So take a deep breath And rock our balls off But don't fuck it up fuck it up Don't fuck this up (Don't fuck it up) Don't fuck this up, Lavin, don't fuck this up Lavin so far you're doing great You brought the motherfucking rock as per request So take another breath And keep it up, man There's only 22 seconds left Don't fuck this up (Don't fuck it up) Don't fuck this up, Lavin, don't fuck this up We're almost there, Lavin, don't fuck this up You did it, Lavin! You're the god of all rock!
6.
I was having a smoke outside When a PYT comes walking by Says "Hey man, can I borrow your lighter?" I'm a gentleman so I had to oblige her So I gave it to her I gave it to her Cuz she was askin' for it She was askin' for it She was askin for it She was totally fucking askin' for it I was walking around downtown Saw a homeless girl sitting on the ground She said "Hey, could you spare a dollar, man?" I pulled out a buck, she held out her hand And I gave it to her I gave it to her Cuz she was askin' for it She was askin' for it She was askin for it She was totally fucking asking for it My girl and I were watching TV And I started to fall asleep She said "If you're gonna sleep through the show, Then at least hand me the remote" So I gave it to her I gave it to her Cuz she was askin' for it She was askin' for it She was askin' for it She was totally fucking asking for it
7.
I'm fuckin' nuts, bro You don't wanna step to this I'll eat a bag of Chips Ahoy in bed and not clean up the mess My pillow is the perfect plate For Triscuits, Wheat Thins, and rice cakes My blankets are like sandpaper My sheets are like a dry bed lake Cuz I eat crackers in bed And I eat cookies in bed Crumbs crumbs crumbs crumbs everywhere I don't clean em up cuz I just don't care I just don't care
8.
Heard a couple songs from the new Kanye record And I was pretty into it Thought I'd check it out but the Pirate Bay was down And Megaupload had just been hit Got a couple bogus trackers And then cuz I'm retarded I opened up the Google Play store Typed "Kanye" and fucking bought it I gave Kanye West my money I wonder what he's gonna spend it on I worked hard to earn my money And I gave it to Kanye like a goddamn moron
9.
I was walking in the woods Came across a rattlesnake Killed it and I drank its blood To gain the powers of a rattlesnake Venom's dripping from my fangs My ass is shaking super loud Felt a little bloated, though So I went to get an ultrasound Doctor came back in the room The blood had drained out from his face He said "Well son, I don't know how But you're goddamn full of rattlesnakes" Rattlesnakes Rattlesnakes Now I'm pregnant with rattlesnakes Rattlesnakes Rattlesnakes Every one of them has my face
10.
Take your pants off And shit on my chest
11.
¿tú quieres cocaína? Just wait at the marina We always surface Whoa-oh-oh We cruise beneath their sonar D.E.A. can suck our bonars They don't know how Rock hard we are We're the FedEx of the sea Dock-side delivery Be it rain or shine or sleet or snow Nothing will keep you from our blow We're all living in a cocaine submarine We're all living in a cocaine submarine 20,000 kilos under the sea We're all living in a cocaine submarine Dive! Surface!

credits

released October 28, 2015

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The Pluralses Las Vegas, Nevada

Kurt - Guitar/vox

Trent - Bass/vox

Michael Francis Lazer Lavin - Drums

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